Serenade of the Unrequited

In my minds eye
There. I dance for you
Sway to your serenade
The strum of a ukulele
Plucks at the strings
Of my wasted heart
Watching you
Between pages
Stations break
Your concentration
on the monotony
But not on me
You don’t see, my view
Too busy to spy
Tired eyes pull you
under the rhythm
That laments the lost
the lonely, the lingering
Like I am now
Looking upon you
In wonderment, puzzled
I hope we fit
Twirl my hair, fidget
As my fingers trace the lines
Of the Subway map
Perhaps a path will unfold
Trip trap, trip trap
Could it lead me to you?
Our canvas is blank
Yet you are the beginning
Of my end of day
As I sway to your serenade

Written for DVerse Poetics Subway and later shared on Kellie Elmore’s Free Write Friday

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34 responses to “Serenade of the Unrequited

  1. This just totally reminded me of how the mind cn wander on a subway train…almost like dreaming….maybe meditating! In this case the subject talks about love and it’s possibilities- you can feel the questions rocking back and forth in the clicks of the rail tracks- very nicely done – and great to see you here again! ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Thanks although having read some of the other work, I suspect you are being too kind, I feel a little silly in my take on it now. That’s the fun of all this though, makes me want to raise the bar next time and that’s progress… Which can only be a good thing! Still polishing up my poetry – thanks for the encouragement.

      • As long as you remember that the only person you are competing with is yourself!!! Hey- we can ALL get better

  2. nice..love that trip trap….the uke is such a cool instrument as well…and i love street musicians so you sent my mind wandering too there for a bit as i listened close to hear it myself…liked it much..

  3. Nice write. Very cool title. I’m big on titles as being part of the poem, and whenever I write I always try for that perfect title, but not only that, the poem has to then live up to the title, yours does just that. I guess that was a long way of saying I enjoyed the piece. Thanks

  4. nice…loe how you build the connection between the busker and you, watching him, letting your phantasy take you closer to him… also love the tracing of the subway map as a map to get somewhere completely different…nice

    • Thank you what a great interpretation… Probably better fitting than my original story I had in my mind when I wrote it! I had been thinking of how we watch each other silently on the subway and all sorts of stories are going on in our minds, an unrequited love being one possibility. A woman watching and falling in love with the man she sees every night on her journey home from work ut he doesn’t see her as he is lost in the monotony of his journey. The musical element came more from the rhythm of romance and of course the subway itself. That’s what I love about poetry though, you can breathe a thousand stories into it and make it what you want. I wish I had thought of the busker though, that’s even sweeter, thanks!

  5. These moments of passion are often very special. A moment’s spark can ignite so much possibility, so much imaginative power. What is it that draws us to this edge of possibility/impossibility? I like the image of the map and how you use it to trace the almost tangible reality of the fantasy.

  6. Vanessa, this was simply intoxicating! I was so deeply captivated that I felt as though you were speaking directly to me…I almost blushed a little =) Now, THAT is commanding your pen and directing your audience! Superb work poet! Brava!

    xox

    • Another wow falls from my lips at your generous comment! Given that it was you who inspired my little journey into poetry, I really can’t thank you enough. Your first comment on this blog made me think I should keep going, and I will. Thanks xxx
      PS, still reading through and enjoying Magic in the Backyard x

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